Brain Handles

Sorry to go off on a medical-related diatribe again, but I am forced by the details of this story to say a couple of things.

There's an old saying that goes: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." So where does the shame get assigned on "fool me six times"?

The story in question is about a dentist who is accused of fondling the breasts of over 27 female patients and the ongoing trials and tribulations. He's claiming he can produce journal articles which discuss massaging the pectorals to treat TMJ disease (a disease of the jaw), but the women are saying it was unwelcome contact of a sexual nature.

Okay, at this point, I'd be ready to call shennanigans on the dentist, call for the revocation of his license, and let that be that. But there was a bit at the end...

Deputy Attorney General Jeffrey Phillips gave Lew three new complaints, including one from a 31-year-old woman who said Anderson fondled her at least six times over two years.

She took to wearing tight shirts with high necklines, "and Anderson would still get in under her shirt and bra," according to a police report.

He fondled her six times. She even wore clothing to prevent the fondling and he'd still get in under her shirt and bra. And while some people are thinking this just proves how evil he is, I'm wondering... couldn't she have gone to another dentist? After the first fondling, couldn't she have reported him and moved on to a better dentist? After the second, the third, the fourth? At some time around when she started wearing defensive clothing, couldn't she have thought "maybe I need to switch dentists?"

You can talk about him being an authority figure, in a position of power, etc. But there are two things to consider... your dentist is no different than your housekeeper, your plumber, or your dog groomer. Your dentist is someone you've contracted to provide a service. You hired them and during your appointment, they work for you. Would you tolerate your plumber grabbing your ass?

Second, she's ostensibly an adult, and part of being an adult is taking responsibility for yourself, and that includes reporting non-consensual fondling to the police before it's happened for the sixth time.

Yes, this dentist is bad, evil, wrong, abusive, and a plethora of other negative words. But when I read that quote, my first thought was not about how bad he was, but "Awww, c'mon!!!" At some point, say the fifth or sixth unwelcome fondling, I'm going to lose sympathy for the victim. First or second fondle, I'm totally on her side. But after he's fondled you 3 or 4 times, change dentists or call the cops. Don't put on a tighter shirt and go back! My God, woman!

I know that assaults and fondling can be a very touchy subject for some people (no pun intended), but really: Fondle me once, shame on you. If I actually voluntarily, as an adult and as a person who is paying you, put myself in a situation where a dentist can fondle me a sixth time, that one's 90% my fault.

Sheesh.