It all started when my Facebook friend, Ray Everett-Church, posted a link to a newspaper article on the growing popularity of small ramen shops. Unlike Top Ramen, these were noodle houses that slaved for hours to make the perfect noodle broth and were drawing a legion of American fans who were learning the difference between "real" ramen and the pale packaged imitation we knew here in America. It made me realize that I could make up some Top Ramen, "improve" the broth with a little soy sauce and ginger, and add some meat and vegetables to actually make it a passable meal that my two young sons might actually eat.

The general recipe is to warm a package of frozen broccoli, a package of frozen corn, and around a half pound of Chinese barbecue pork (chopped into bite-size pieces) in a mix of ramen broth and "improvements" while more broth comes to a boil and the ramen is cooked in it for a few minutes. Because my youngest is two years old and hot broth does not mix well with that age, the noodles are pulled from the broth pot and put in the veggies and meat pan to soak up the last of the improved broth and release a little starch to thicken whatever broth is not absorbed.

It's like porky, chickeny, Asian spaghetti, full of veggies, and the boys love it. I make it about twice a month as a special treat. Even my wife likes taking leftovers to work in her lunch. One day I'd love to step up my ramen game with a slow cooked broth and some higher quality noodles. But as a quick meal that's ready in about 20 minutes and gets my kids decent portions of three food groups, it's something I don't hate, and even though saving money isn't as high a priority as it was, it's still nice that the whole thing basically makes 6 portions for less than the cost of two Happy Meals.

At the beginning he's "larryp Willson with the Henry & Company" and he signs it as "Mr. Rev Henry Willson". Guy doesn't even know his own name.

RECEIVED:

My name is larryp Willson with the Henry & Company Inc And i am sending this email to your business in regards to the order for some Fire extinguishers and the Sizes that i am looking for are :4.082 kg; 15.7 lb. and please can you send me an email reply back with the price of each that plus tax without shipping And also i will like to know the Types of Credit card you do Accept for the Payment And i will be Looking forward to hear back from you so that we can proceed with the Order / Payment / Pick Up And delivery Details....And i want your contact name and Phone number so that i will go ahead and call you to proceed.Kind Regards.....
Mr Rev Henry Willson

REPLIED:

Dear Reverend Willson,

We do not have fire extinguishers, but I can make you an excellent deal on some gack. It has flame retardant properties and it's only slightly smelly, though I guess maybe it gets smellier if you throw it on something that's burning.

Either way, I've got an entire warehouse full of gack and no one is buying it, so I'll be glad to make you a very good deal if you want to buy it.

SEPTEMBER 9 - HE REPLIES!

May the Good GOD richly bless you, I will like you to get me the prices of the Gack, Also i will like to know do you ship international or do i have to recommend a shipping COMPANY WHOM WILL GET TO YOUR LOCATION FOR PICK UP AS SOON AS THE ORDER GETS READY FOR PICK UP..Also i will like you to tell me if you do take Credit Card's as a form of Payment.. I will be waiting for your Reply have a good and blessed Day

Blessing
Rev. Wilson

And, apparently, he's changed his name again. It's now Wilson with one L.

SEPTEMBER 9 - I REPLY BACK

Reverend Wilson,

To ship Gack internationally, I would need to apply for a license as the exportation of Gack is strictly regulated. I will need from you:

* The country to which it must be shipped

* The address in that country

* The name of the receiving agent at that address

* The name of the receiving agent's mother or father in case he/she is unavailable

* A description of what the receiving agent looks like so the shipper can recognize him or her. A photo would be okay.

* A photo of the receiving agent's mother or father in case the receiving agent is unavailable.

Our price on the Gack is $3 per kilo with a discount rate of $2200 per tonne. We do not accept credit cards. We accept cash and cashier's checks. You may also wire us money via Western Union.

The shipping cost on the Gack would depend on how much you were ordering and where it must be shipped to. As the quantity goes up, economies of scale enter the picture.

Thanks,

Greg

AND THEN HE REPLIED...

ok send me money soo tghat buy tha dcmnM Z

SO I REPLIED...

I'm sorry, Reverend Wilson. Your last message was unintelligible.

Do you have a drinking problem?

I think he figured out I'm messing with him. We'll see if he replies again.

When it's too hot, we want to be cooler. When it's too cold, we want to be warmer. When it's just right, we want to be younger.

Feel free to quote me.

If Rebel doesn't turn out to be Micah, I'm going to be very surprised.

I don't know about you, but I've got some ideas of who I'd cast for those roles, both in terms of current actors who are the right age, and maybe some older actors. I'd like to see whether you guys are seeing the same actors in the roles, if you're seeing totally different actors, and whether you're all thinking along the same lines or whether you're all just off on totally separate tangents.

I don't want to shape your thoughts, so I'm gonna wait until chapter 19 drops to reveal my dream cast. I'm going to get the ball rolling, though, with a picture of a guy who's now too old to play Vinnie, but this photo just screams Vinnie at me every time I see it...

Because I have not licensed the photo, here's a link to it in the IMDb photo library.

Please post your casting ideas as comments below. Thanks!

And no, the movie rights haven't been optioned. This is just wishful imagining.

Details and photos at the Daily Mail.

Note the 80s clothes, the 80s hair. It's "Bow chicka boom bow..." in his act, but basically this was the first guy to do a comedy routine where he associated pornos and that musical rhythm.

So, the next time you find yourself using that musical catchphrase, give it up a little for Jordan Brady.

Here's how it works. The men and women are split into teams of eight, one man and seven women per team. In the first of the 13 episodes, a special 2-hour season opener, we get to meet all the contestants and no one gets eliminated.

The idea is that each guy on the show is looking for love and he's presented with 7 potential mates on his team. In even numbered weeks, the man and all the women in his team compete together as a team to avoid the whole team being eliminated. In odd numbered weeks, they work on the romantic part and the man has to eliminate one woman from his team.

As teams and players are eliminated, we whittle down from 56 players (7 men and 49 women) to 3 players (1 man and two women) in the final episode. And on that final episode, the man chooses between the two women to pick the one who has won his heart.

So this is the status of / number of players at the end of each episode:

Week 1: 56 players on 7 teams (1 man & 7 women per team) no elimination
Week 2: 48 players on 6 teams (1 man & 7 women per team)
Week 3: 42 players on 6 teams (1 man & 6 women per team)
Week 4: 35 players on 5 teams (1 man & 6 women per team)
Week 5: 30 players on 5 teams (1 man & 5 women per team)
Week 6: 24 players on 4 teams (1 man & 5 women per team)
Week 7: 20 players on 4 teams (1 man & 4 women per team)
Week 8: 15 players on 3 teams (1 man & 4 women per team)
Week 9: 12 players on 3 teams (1 man & 3 women per team)
Week 10: 8 players on 2 teams (1 man & 3 women per team)
Week 11: 6 players on 2 teams (1 man & 2 women per team)
Week 12: 3 players on 1 team (1 man & 2 women)
Week 13: 2 players on 1 team (1 man & 1 woman)

Of course, since I don't have my own production company, I'll never get this on the air myself. But maybe some production company will read my blog, "borrow" the idea, and then I'll at least get to watch it.

Subject: Book-keeper Wanted
From: "Michael Chalon"

Dear Sir/Madam,

Would you like to work online from home and get paid weekly ? Chalon- HandMade needs a book-keeper in the state, so I want to know if you will like to work online from home and get paid weekly without leaving or affecting your present job? THIS IS SAFE AND LEGAL. My company produces various clothing materials, batiks, assorted fabrics and traditional costume which we have clients we supply weekly in the states.
My clients make payments for our supplies every week in form of Money Orders which are not readily cash able outside the United States, So we need someone in the States to work as our representative and assist us in processing the payments from our clients and I will pay HIM/HER weekly salary.
ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS RECEIVE THIS PAYMENTS FROM OUR CLIENTS IN THE STATES, GET IT CASHED IN YOUR BANK THEN DEDUCT YOUR WEEKLY PAY AND FORWARD THE BALANCE TO THE COMPANY DOWN HERE VIA WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER. Our payments will be issued out in your name and you get them cashed in your bank, deduct your weekly salary and forward the balance to the company via Western Union Money Transfer. AS SOON AS WE CONFIRM ANY PAYMENT COMING TO YOU, I WILL LET YOU KNOW AND I WILL GIVE YOU THE INFORMATION TO SEND THE FUNDS TO THE COMPANY VIA Western Union Money Transfer.

Prospective finance co-ordinators should forward the following info to my email :
** First & Last Name:
** Physical Address: ( NO P.O Boxes )
** Apt, Suite, Floor #:
** City:
** State:
** Zip Code:
** Cell Phone #: Home Phone #: , Work Phone #
** Sex:
** Age:
** Nationality:
** Current Job:

Kind Regards,

Michael Chalon
Chalon HandMade
www.chalon.com

Now, the first sign that this is bogus is that it's from a UK company with its own web site, but the address of the sender is at the University of Illinois in the U.S.

Normally, if a scam job letter gives you a web address, it's usually under a month old. Chalon.com is over 10 years old, but if you contacted them about a bookeeper job, I'd bet you'd find there was no such position. As a matter of fact, Chalon has its own jobs page where this position isn't mentioned. Occasionally, the scammers give you a link to a real, legitimate web site, hoping you'll still reply to their e-mail instead of inquiring at the site.

But the biggest sign this is bogus is that this is an old scam. No legitimate company needs reps in the U.S. to cash checks for them and then wire them the money via Western Union. Banks can handle this for them at much lower rates. And if they were going to have someone handling tens of thousands for them, don't you think they could use a better method than unsolicited form e-mails to complete strangers to find someone?

The way it works is that you respond, they send you a contract (it's completely bogus, but it makes it seem like you're doing something legit), then eventually they send you a check or two to cash. These checks are forged. They're good enough to get cashed, though, so you take your commission and send your "employer" the rest by Western Union. A week or two later, your bank says the check was forged and it didn't clear. Your "employer" has suddenly disappeared, you're an accomplice to check fraud, and you're on the hook for repaying the bank.

Go ahead and tell these people that you're a struggling single mom and that your kid has cancer, they'll still say you're perfect for the job and send you fake checks. They're not angels with the answer to your prayers. They're inhuman scumbags with no morals who are looking to hurt anyone they can. Don't answer them. If you answered them, ignore further communications from them. Avoid giving them any personal information.

Best of luck to you.

Spring sprung a month ago... with snow. Now we're getting snow for Passover? Wow.

Dear sir:
I am sorry to bother you for a moment, we would be honored to introduce our company and products, hope that we may build business cooperation in the future.
Our company is located in the ¡°garlic hometown of China ¡°,Jinxiang ,and we manufacture and export garlic, onion and dehydrated vegetables for many years. We have profuse goods with series quality grade , and expressly ,our price is very competitive because we are manufactory ,we are the source. You are welcome to visit our website: [URL removed] which includes our company profiles, history and something latest news.

Here are our mainly products and a attachment about some details of garlic list:
Garlic : fresh garlic, garlic granule, garlic powder, garlic flake
Onion: fresh onion, onion thread, onion powder
Carrot granule, dried shallot, ginger flake, chili ,etc.
See if there is anything you need ,please let me know about the size ,package, quantity, and payment term you request. We will be happy to give you details
Waiting for your reply soon. And you can chat with me on the MSN if you have any questions.
Best regards
Sales Mr. Big
JinXiang DaCheng Food Co., Ltd
JiNing ShanDong China
Mail: goodlying@yahoo.com

Have you figured what set off my red flags? Look at their e-mail... goodlying@yahoo.com. Good Lying at Yahoo dot Com. Puhleeez. I am not making this up!

Now it may be a scam and when you send off your money for their products, you never see a product, or it may just be some aggressive businessman in China who doesn't get it. With a name like Mr. Big and an e-mail address like Good Lying, he's not going to build a whole lot of trust with English speakers.

Plus I wouldn't buy any food product grown or processed in China after all that country's attempts to poison us and our pets last year.

I did reply, however. Two words...

Free Tibet

In the dream, a terrorist sprayed it in a ground-based spaceport and it settled in the hair of people preparing to board shuttles. As the shuttles reached orbit and switched on artificial gravity, their hair exploded, pretty much taking the rest of their heads with it.

Sleeping through a head cold, dreaming of people's heads exploding. I wonder if there's any connection.

I realized what the 5th dentist recommends while I was considering the debate over whether or not to give birth control and information about how to use it to teenagers. Many people who are against making the products and knowledge available to teens take the position that doing so is like approving of teen sex. Their position is essentially "if we give them condoms, they'll use them."

And it hit me what the 5th dentist recommended... don't chew gum. He'd be of the opinion that saying "if you must chew gum, then chew sugarless gum" was like giving his patients permission to chew gum, so he'd just say "don't chew gum!" The patients who disobeyed his dictate would potentially be in greater jeopardy because he refused them the knowledge of the safest gum to chew, but he'd be secure in the knowledge that he stuck to his principles.

Then I looked it up. The survey in which the 4 out of 5 dentists recommended sugarless gum for their patients who chew gum had three options for the dentists to choose from: sugarless gum, sugared gum, and no gum.

The breakdown between sugared and none has been lost to history, but if we are keen observers of sociological phenomena, it's pretty obvious how the average 5th dentist voted. He wasn't going to tell you the safest way to chew gum, because if he didn't hold the line against gum chewing, the result would be dental anarchy.

So, 4 out of 5 dentists recommend sugarless gum for their patients who chew gum. The 5th has an overinflated sense of his importance.