Brain Handles

So, as my wife and I were driving today, we were discussing the term "all sorts of wrong" and this cartoon popped into my head...

Hope you enjoyed it.

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So, this afternoon, when I got home from work, I was faced with a tough choice: go check my e-mail... or poop.
Both were insistent urges. And since I do use a MacBook Pro as a "desktop replacement" machine, the thought did cross my mind to bring the laptop into the bathroom and check [...]

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Heard a noise for a half second that sounded vaguely like the cranking/scraping noise that accompanies the arrival or departure of the TARDIS.
I thought, wouldn't it be fun to play that particular sound down a few hallways at Microsoft to see how many people come out of their offices with a smile on their face [...]

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So, I've launched a new site called Rough Equivalents. Every day or two I'm posting some odd facts I generated by comparing the characteristics of things that aren't normally compared... like a state and a roll of toilet paper.
It's sort of hard to explain, so perhaps demonstrating a few of its facts [...]

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So, when people would say Barack Obama's name, pronouncing the "rack" like "clothes rack" instead of like "rock", it would make me think of Mr. T's character, B.A. Baracus from "The A-Team". And then a fun thought entered my head... Wouldn't it be fun to dress up Barack Obama like Mr. T? Show [...]

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So, I've been at home with a head cold the last couple of days and have been catching naps after telecommuting for a few hours so the day's not a complete financial loss. During this afternoon's nap, my fevered brain came up with a brilliant sci-fi weapon... An aerosolized explosive that is triggered by [...]

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So, Chuck Norris has endorsed Mike Huckabee. Arnold Schwarzenegger just endorsed John McCain. The nation excitedly awaits an endorsement announcement from Steven Seagal.
Of course, the Olsen Twins are endorsing Obama, because "black guys are like cool and stuff," Britney Spears is endorsing "woooooo," and Lindsay Lohan is endorsing George W. Bush "because he's like [...]

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So I started a new contract at Microsoft last week. Basically the first day or two on a Microsoft contract are wasted time because you're still waiting for the necessary accesses and permissions to populate through the systems, even though you had to wait a week after the contract was offered just to get [...]

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ACME Weapons Systems would like to thank you for holding. We appreciate your patience. Your estimated wait time is thirty eight minutes. This call may be recorded for training purposes. Please hold for the next available representative.

Brad: Thank you for calling ACME Weapons Systems tech support. My name is Brad, [...]

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So I was thinking about a site called "confoogle" (and confoogle.com is available by the way) which was dedicated to trying to confuse Google's indexing and adbots (confuse Google = Confoogle).

Then I thought about typo squatters who had probably all bought up voogle, boogle, hoogle, and other variants on Google starting with the keys surrounding [...]

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So I was thinking... if God had voicemail, what would He say on His outgoing message?

Now, if you get someone's voicemail, they usually say something like:

I can't take your call at the moment...
I've temporarily stepped away from my desk or am out of the office...

But, if God is omnipotent (all-powerful, God can do anything), He [...]

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So, I'm watching TV tonight. My wife and I are addicted to "Eureka" on Sci-Fi. And, as the credits roll, we notice that tonight's episode was directed by Tim Matheson. If the name isn't familiar, he was Otter in Animal House.

That's not weird. He's been doing a lot of TV directing [...]

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I had the strangest dream and I can still remember a lot of details, so I'll share...

I was in a house in a beachside community with a view of the ocean (not on the beach, but on a hill a few blocks away) and I was looking out the window at the water, when many [...]

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When I was a kid, the corporate mascot for Burger King was alternately a cartoony little king, a more virile and comic-book style king, and eventually Herb.

All of these were okay, comfortable, and well, non-creepy. Okay, maybe Herb was a little creepy. But none of them brought on the outright heebie-jeebies inspired by [...]

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Occasionally my wife ropes me into watching TLC's 'What Not To Wear" (or WNTW) with her, but most of the time I escape.

Tonight she was watching it and I passed by the TV as they were advertising a new talk show, featuring "What Not To Wear" host Stacy London. It was called "Shut Up! [...]

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The Mighty Quinn of the New York Daily News printed excerpts from my "Things Not To Say On A Date" list on the day before Valentine's Day, but he didn't know it was mine. I chatted with him, sent him part two, and he's printing selected excerpts from part two on Tuesday, February 27th.
For [...]

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Every once in a while, in an odd mood, I'll just start looking up odd domain names to see what's available. There's no rhyme or reason to the list, just a rambling train of thought I follow. All of the domains below were available for registration as of February 26th, 2007 (i.e. you [...]

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While discussing a meeting place with some friends, one mentioned a favorite spot at a place where he got a strong wireless connection and it had an outlet. The way he almost waxed poetic on it, another friend said his description sounded like it should be a verse in the "Cheers" theme.

So, given that [...]

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Came up with this haiku when suggesting a haiku-about-photos contest to a friend of mine. He didn't go for the contest, but I thought the haiku was too good to let go to waste.
Little Miss Perfect
Toilet paper on her heel
And no one tells her

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My wife and I spotted this ad in Parent Map magazine (parentmap.com) a few months back. I scanned and sent it to a few friends. This is the first time I'm posting it online.
I guess it explains why Madonna and Angelina Jolie are adopting so many third world children.

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This is a song I wrote a while back. I was hoping to hook up with a musician and an animator to create a viral animation with it, but I couldn't put the right team together.
====================
Now, I wasn't big when I was a kid
And you can prob'ly guess what the bigger kids did
When they [...]

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