Came up with this haiku when suggesting a haiku-about-photos contest to a friend of mine. He didn't go for the contest, but I thought the haiku was too good to let go to waste.

Little Miss Perfect
Toilet paper on her heel
And no one tells her

This is a song I wrote a while back. I was hoping to hook up with a musician and an animator to create a viral animation with it, but I couldn't put the right team together.

====================

Now, I wasn't big when I was a kid
And you can prob'ly guess what the bigger kids did
When they were in a mood for bein' mean

They'd grab my underwear from the back
And pull it up into my crack
So my cheeks were bare and my shorts were in between

Now it's darn hard feelin' spritely
When your ball huggers hug that tightly
Because the back of your shorts are a foot too long

There's just no way of feelin' super
When your shorts are stretched against your pooper
That's why I'm here and why I wrote this song.

[Chorus]

There's something wrong when your Jockeys become a thong
When there's cotton where the toilet paper goes
They used to cover my ass
But now they feel like a snake in the grass
And I'll tell ya, friend, that feelin' surely blows

[Next Verse]

Sometimes it's no one else's action
That sends that bunching ropy faction
Ridin' up your buttcheek on the right

Your mama says you've got no class
If people see you pick your ass
And you're in a meeting with no end in sight

You're scootin' all round in your chair
Tryin' to free your derrierre
From that cloth invading up your crack

But since you cannot pick and pluck
It seems that you'll have no more luck
Than the French against a German tank attack

[Chorus]

There's something wrong when your Jockeys become a thong
When there's cotton where the toilet paper goes
They used to cover my ass
But now they feel like a snake in the grass
And I'll tell ya, friend, that feelin' surely blows

[Next Verse]

No matter who you blame it on
It's heaven when that feelin's gone
And your shorts are settled back where God intended

Your crack is sealed up nice and tight
And the world seems to be working right
And, at least for now, you're not bein' rear-ended

But then you get a fright'ning thought
That soon enough you will get caught
With your shorts movin' north at rapid pace

So don't you even take that chance
Go bare-assed underneath your pants
And all day you'll have a smile upon your face.

[Final Chorus]

There's something wrong when your Jockeys become a thong
When there's cotton where the toilet paper goes
They used to cover my ass
But now they feel like a snake in the grass
And I'll tell ya, friend, that feelin' surely blows

That feeeelin suuuuureeeellllyyyy bloooooows!!!