Amazon, being ever helpful, decided to show me products related to manure, and the first product... a book by Ann Coulter! Apparently some users have used "manure" as a tag for categorizing her books. You can see Amazon's list of items tagged with "manure".

Wonder how long it will take Amazon to notice.

If you've read my blog assiduously, all three of you, you know we enjoy BBC America and some of its sci-fi and comedy offerings. Anyhoo, we were watching "That Mitchell and Webb Look" (it's no "Little Britain", but it'll do) and they were doing a sketch where two Nazi SS officers were discussing whether or not they were "the baddies."

They're on the Russian front, and as an aside in the conversation, one of them says: "If there's anything we've learned in the last thousand miles of retreat, it's that Soviet agriculture is in dire need of mechanization." My wife and I busted up.

We are such geeks.

Subject: Representative Needed
From: "The Case Company (UK) Ltd" <info@case.co.uk>
To: undisclosed-recipients

We are one of the fastest growing company here in UK.Due to increase in
customers we are seeking for representative in CANADA & U.S.A. Interested
persons should email the Information Below to this email
address(thecasecom@sify.com) 1.NAME 2,ADDRESS 3, COUNTRY, 4
PHONE NUMBER 5, AGE.
Regards
Mrs.Butler Julie.
----------------------------------------------------------------
This message was sent using http://webmail.coqui.net

Okay, red flags...

• Sent via coqui.net, a free web mail service in Puerto Rico, and that's backed up by the underlying mail headers. That pretty much shows that the info@case.co.uk "from" address was forged.
• Rather than ask you to reply to them at case.co.uk, they ask you to reply to an address at sify.com, a Yahoo-like portal in India with free webmail accounts.
• If they were really in the UK, their English might be a little better.

Don't reply to these people, and if you have, ignore further communications from them. I don't know what their scam is, but I can tell you right now, they're showing all the signs of a scam.

Best of luck to you all.

I handle some valuable real estate on an intranet portal for my current contract. And I regularly deal with stakeholders from around the company who want brief announcements posted there.

Today, I got one where their suggested headline was "We hear you!"

My response to them was: "Our style guidelines prohibit exclamation points in headlines. Besides, how can you hear them if you're shouting at them?"

In the popular vote count, if things hold, Obama will add over 230,000 votes to his lead. And in the delegate count, it's looking like he'll net 12 more delegates than Hillary. He could do a bit better or a bit worse, but there's not a huge margin by which these numbers can change.

Hillary's camp will spin it 8 ways from Sunday, and try to claim it was really a major win and validation that she's the candidate who can win the general election, but she's undone and unspun tonight. +12 for the delegate lead and +230,000 for the popular vote lead... for Obama.

Yippee-cai-yeah, Hillary.

Both were insistent urges. And since I do use a MacBook Pro as a "desktop replacement" machine, the thought did cross my mind to bring the laptop into the bathroom and check my e-mail while I pooped. But the thought of balancing a laptop on my bare thighs while I answered nature's call seemed fraught with peril.

And then it hit me... a wall-mounted, fold-down ironing board at just the right height... toilet desk. Right? Right? I see a lot of you frowning out there, especially my wife, but it makes sense. In our overworked, overscheduled lives, why sacrifice precious minutes of productivity just to poop?

Yup. Better than calling it a toilet desk, we could call it a potty desk. I have looked on Google and aside from some gags where someone suggested putting a toilet at your desk, I couldn't find anyone pitching a toilet desk or potty desk. It's brilliant. All I need is funding... and a domain. Nooooo! Someone already has pottydesk.com. Well, let's go to the site... nothing but a parked page full of ads. A squatter is sitting on pottydesk.com. Damn. Toiletdesk.com is taken too. Pottytable.com and pottyoffice.com are available.

I'm telling you, it's the bathroom of the future.

Her politics of negativity and venom, her fearmongering, her scheming and attacking are doing one thing... pissing people off. And it's not just Obama supporters. It's Hillary's supporters. She's working to make them hate Obama like people in the 50s hated the commies. Recent polls show that her supporters are so rabid, large numbers of them say they'll defect or stay home if she doesn't win.

See, Obama's tried to stay positive, tried not to beat her up on really obvious and easy targets, tried not to bring fear and anger into the race, but instead concentrated on hope and possibility. And because of that, if Hillary takes the nomination, Obama will have an easier time picking up her standard like a good soldier and rallying his loyalists to her side.

But if she loses, I don't think she can undo all the damage she's done. Her attitude has been that she'd rather take the party down with her than carry on a respectable, honorable, campaign. And if it becomes her time to rally the troops, to mend the fences and rebuild the bridges... I don't think she can.

And that makes me wonder if we can afford not to have her as the nominee, because if her campaign collapses it could be like a Jonestown massacre.

If anyone deserves this nomination -- for running a clean campaign, for talking to our heads and hearts instead of our fears, for not taking the easy low blows even when they were taken against him -- Obama does. I just fear that Hillary's politics of anger, hate, violence, and fear are going to win.

And if they do, I don't know what I'll do. I can't take 4 more years of Republicans spending our economy into the shitter. But I cannot take 4 years of Hillary's anger, pettiness, and "do anything to win" attitude. I used to support Obama because I thought Hillary would prove too much of a bogeyman to the Republicans and help them turn out the vote like never before. Now I support him because he's shown honor, dignity, and respect, and Hillary is just covered in the filth she spews, the muck she rakes, and the mud she slings.

If she carries this on until August, the party will be burned down, and she'll be standing in the ashes, holding the match.

Hillary Clinton doesn't care about America. Hillary Clinton cares about Hillary Clinton. And you can quote me on that... please.

Here's the mail:

From: "Mr. Swenson" <teeq@acryglas.com>
Hello!

We offer a part time job on your computer.

Job Description:
We will provide you with the texts for our employees with the important information and you will correct the texts as an english speaking person and send them back to us.
Salary:
We don't have a fixed salary for this vacancy. We will pay you $7.00 for every 1Kb of the corrected text. You will get paid at the END of each month. Every month your salary will be different as it depends on your activity.

Example: If you correct about 5Kb of texts per day you will get over $1000.00 at the end of the month.

Requirements:
-Location: USA
-Age: 20+
-Home computer, e-mail address and Microsoft Word
-Responsibility

To apply for job please send us the following information to:
dating.uniongroup@gmail.com

__________

FULL NAME: HOME ADDRESS:
CITY, STATE, ZIP CODE:
Phone number (home or cell, but SHOULD BE available any day time):
E-MAIL:
AGE:
OCCUPATION:
EDUCATION:
AVAILABLE HOUR TO WORK WITH US:

----------

As soon as we revise your aplication we will contact you within 24 hours.
If you have any additional questions, feel free to ask.
Awaiting for your application.

With respect Dating Euro Union

Now here are the red flags...

• The "from" address is not only different than the one they ask you to reply to, but comes from a domain (acryglas.com) that has absolutely nothing to do with the business they're claiming to be (Dating Euro Union).
• There are any number of companies offering this service so they could get a one-stop solution with one bill and no employees to manage. Even if they save a small amount on the rate this way, any real business can run the numbers and see this wouldn't be cost-effective.
• This came in to an e-mail address that hasn't been actively used since the 90's meaning that they got it off a purchased spam list. If they're purchasing lists of e-mail addresses and spamming this out, that makes them suspect.
• I'm sorry, but copy editing and proofreading require skill, talent, and education. You're not qualified for it merely because you're a native English speaker. A good editor is worth a ton of money.

Most likely, the scam is that they'll ask for your bank account and bank routing numbers so they can wire transfer or direct deposit your monthly salary. Next thing you know, they've used the information to forge a wire transfer out of your account and you're cleaned out.

As inviting as it seems, this has all the hallmarks of a criminal scam. Do not reply to it, do not give these people your personal information, and do not give them any banking information.

Best of luck to you all.

Now, the thing is that lots of people think "Gonna Fly Now" is the most inspirational music from "Rocky," but it's not. It's just happy music. The inspirational piece of music is called "Going the Distance". This is when Rocky's up against it, when Rocky's fighting his demons, fighting his doubt, fighting against everyone who tells him he can't do it. This is the darkness of self-doubt that Rocky conquers to beat Apollo Creed, Clubber Lang, Ivan Drago.

"Don't Stop Believin'" has a good chorus, but it's essentially a power ballad. When you need something about slogging through, earning every hard-won step toward your goal, and making it to the end... "Going The Distance" is your music.

I am soooo lame.

It's a cool job. Has a lot of potential for growth and doing neat stuff in the process, plus the money should be pretty good. I think I got myself a little too over-excited about it.

Just a few minutes ago, after checking my personal e-mail for the umpteenth time this morning, I just needed to hear Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'", so I went to Amazon and paid $0.99 to download an MP3 of it to my work PC and I'm listening to it as I type this. Actually just started it for a second time.

This is how lame I am.

Here's the e-mail:

MBC Company

Our company "MBC Co." offers a part-time work giving you an opportunity to earn extra money for your family budget!!!

Here is some information about us: "MBC Co." co-operates with business partners in more than 180 countries in Europe, North and South America, Middle East and Asia. Our company was founded 3 years ago. By now "MBC Co." has achieved the reputation of reliable and secure company. Our fields of activity are various. We find firms and people and arrange a contract between them. We appear as a guarantee between a firm and an employee.

At present we are opening a new mail delivery service and seeking for personell. Yet this is only a part-time work, however we are intending to develop this service and in case if you are interested, we are ready to permanent co-operating.

The essense of your work is following:
Our client sends you a letter (or an envelope). You take it to the nearest DHL or PonyExpress office and send it to our client. If the letter is shipped with regular mail it takes months to deliver it to the reciever, which is unacceptable due to our client's business level. That is why we are helping our clients to have their mail delivered in any place on the Earth as soon as possible.

This is a well-paid job. The wage for each letter is approximately 50$. The more letters you recieve - the more money you earn.
If you wish to gare interested in our offer or have any questions about the "MBC Co.":
Please complete in block letters and be attentively the following form:
Full name:
Adress:
City:
State:
Zip:
Phone:
E-mail:
Please send your information to e-mail: Support.MbcCo@gmail.com

Please, write your data correctly! If it is required we'll call you. You will receive further instructions.

Thanks for your attention, post-service MBC Company.

FAQ:

1. Who do I recieve the package from? - You recieve it from our clients, who are not able to send it with express mail abroad.
2. You are not allowed to open any files or envelopes.
3. How much do I get paid? - You are paid 50$ for each package. You recieve the package, we give you the money for the redelivery. You give us the tracking number of DHL or Pony Express.
4. The best variant is to send the package the day you recieved it.
5. The DHL or PonyExpress delivery doesn't cost more than 100$. as you recieve the package, you send us an e-mail. We send a money transfer to your account in 2 days.
6. Can I send the package with some other mail? - No, DHL or PonyExpress only.
7. What about taxes? - Don't worry, you don't have to pay any taxes.
8. How many packages a month can be sent? - We can send up to ten packages a day, if this is allright with you. The amount of money depends on the amount of packages.
9. Your work is not hard, you don't have to invest anything. We are paying you for the service.
10. All operations of our company are legal which is confirmed by a number of international legal statements.
11. Who is responsible in case if client is not satisfied with the service? - Our company
www.worldmbc.net

Now, this has all the hallmarks of a scam:

• High pay for unskilled labor
• The web site they send you to was registered on March 20th (barely over a month old) and it was registered out of Russia.
• The sender's "from" address is at a completely unrelated domain and you're supposed to reply to an address at a free e-mail service.

Besides the possibility that they're having you help move contraband, the part about them sending a money transfer to your account in two days has me suspicious. It may be that the packages are full of newspaper and ping-pong balls. The trick will be getting you to provide your bank account information so they can send you a wire transfer to cover shipping costs. Then they use it to forge a wire transfer from your account instead of to it.

Anyway, I'm sorry I can't give as many details on the scam behind this that I do on other scams, but this is raising all the red flags and the odds of it being on the level are next to nil. Don't reply to this, don't give them any personal information.

Best of luck to you all.

For those of you who haven't heard about the check cashing job scams going around the internet, they work like this: A company pretends to hire you as a "financial representative" to cash checks from their clients in your country, because they don't have a presence in your country. They send you checks, you cash them, take a piece of the money, and then wire the rest through Western Union.

Here's the problem... the checks are only good enough to pass first inspection. Most banks will cash checks for their customers under a certain amount without checking to see if they're good. Then a few days or a week later, once they've gone through the clearinghouse and come back as no good, the bank demands their money back. You've already sent it via Western Union, but since you're the one who cashed the check, you're on the hook for the money. Good luck getting your "employer" to even answer your e-mails after that, much less return the money.

Here's the e-mail I got:

from: Ophelia Ortega <xfidnsqcvacf@bowkerandassoc.com>
date: Wed, Apr 23, 2008 at 11:26 AM
subject: For: columns [editor's note: the address it was sent to was "columns" @ one of my domains]

Grandy's Epack Corporation is announcing about a job opening in the company. The software developer now having their clients in different globe spots located needs Financial Representatives to help handle money flow and save both time and efforts of their clients. No upfront paying, you will never be asked for a dime out of your pocket. You get paid instantly in amount of 5% out every transaction operation.

Benefits listed:
-Steady income in amount of 3500 $ minimum on a monthly basis.
-5-6 hours a week! That's all you have to spent on doing this job. You can easily combine this job with your another one.

Requirements:
-Basic idea in Accounting
-Regular internet Access
-Ability to accept payments using your BANK ACCOUNT
-Ability to resend money VIA WESTERN UNION

If feel qualified ,please, attach the following info to start up with:
- Fist Name:
- Last Name:
- Age:
- Sex:
- State, City, Zip:
- Phone number( home and cell):
- Valid email address:

Please, contact us for the first time via this email address: epackpersonnel@gmail.com , in the subject field put: "Interested". Use only mentioned email address, otherwise we'll fail to receive your response.

Here are your big red flags:

• Why is her e-mail address a string of gobbledygook at an odor control company in the U.S. instead of with the company she's recruiting for?
• The English is terrible. Bad grammar isn't a crime, but seems to be an affliction common to these criminals.
• "accept payments using your BANK ACCOUNT" and "resend money VIA WESTERN UNION"... Yup, run away. Run away fast. (p.s. I didn't put theose words in all-caps. They did. It's as if they were trying to point out their red flags for me.)
• who is going to pay a complete stranger over $100 an hour for *legal* work that requires next to no skill and next to no effort? Come on.

This came to an e-mail address I haven't used in years an never associated with my job search, so that was a flag too, but only for me. You may have gotten your copy at your primary address. Still, toss this away, don't reply, and understand that there's nothing you can really do about it except warn others not to fall for it.

Best of luck to you all.

It's the Iron Chef drinking game... every time Pim describes something as "lovely," you drink. By the end of the first chef's courses, we're blotto.

Get her a thesaurus or get her off Iron Chef!

And what about Robert Irvine's meltdown? First JAG on "The Next Food Network Star" (which I didn't get called for despite my kick ass audition video), then this. They need to avoid ex-military for a while.

OTOH, it gives us a chance for more Michael Symon. Him, Mario, and Alton are the holy trinity of "Food Network stars I'd like to have as poker buddies." Yes, no Guy Fieri (his machismo seems too contrived), no Bobby Flay (his doesn't), no Emeril (my kid's asleep -- keep it down, guy), no Dave Lieberman (my secret nickname for him is Buffy), no Rachel Ray (shudder), no Giada (I just don't need the porn voice-over soundtrack with every bite), but Paula Deen would be allowed to sit in for Anthony Bourdain when he went out for a smoke.

My wife and I are big Terry Pratchett fans. We've read every one of his Discworld books. And last year, for her birthday, I ordered a DVD player I could hack to be region-free and had Amazon.co.uk ship me the UK release of SkyOne's Christmas miniseries of Hogfather (based on a Terry Pratchett Discworld novel of the same name).

So, when I found out that they'd done another Discworld miniseries, based on The Color of Magic and The Light Fantastic, I was ecstatic. Only there was no DVD to buy. Not in America, not in the UK, nowhere could I find a legitimate DVD for sale. I wrote to SkyOne customer service and asked if there was an estimated release date for the DVD so I could buy it as soon as it became available. They wrote back and said that there were no plans to release it on DVD. But... but... but... wha???

As far as I was concerned, I'd done everything I could. I'd acted in good faith. They might stop me from buying the DVD, but they wouldn't stop me from seeing the movie. So I downloaded it.

That said... eh. One of my biggest gripes about film adaptations of books is when they change the character to fit the actor they cast to play him. Rincewind is a younger man, period. But they wanted David Jason, so they made Rincewind older. Twoflower, for all intents and purposes, was Chinese. So they cast Sean Astin.

Yeah, I thought the same thing you're thinking.

I will say that Jeremy Irons as Lord Vetinari was different than I expected. My wife and I had Alan Rickman on our Discworld casting wishlist, but Jeremy made the character his own. I still want James Earl Jones to take over as the voice of Death and I want Liam Neeson to play Sam Vimes. Just think of Liam, draped in muck, eyes flaring, shouting "where's my cow!" as he fights his way through a throng of dwarves.

If Brendan Fraser wasn't getting so long in the tooth, I'd recommend him for Carrot. It needs a Brendan Fraser type. They'd probably cast Kylie as Angua, not because she's right for the part, but because if they can find an excuse to cast Kylie... But I'm babbling.

I'm a pirate in the name of Terry Pratchett fandom and proud of it!

I thought, wouldn't it be fun to play that particular sound down a few hallways at Microsoft to see how many people come out of their offices with a smile on their face (and how many people are just annoyed)? I'd be in the first group, but I might be disappointed if they only had the noise and no mock-up of the TARDIS.