As Kurt ran toward the throne, two figures appeared before it, a breeze emanating as the air rushed away from the space they filled. Kurt recognized one as Alain, the other... "My lord," Michael shouted, dropping to his knees.

Kurt stopped, looking at Michael, prostrated on the floor 20 feet away, then looking at Alain who looked as dazed as Kurt felt, then at the man who turned, walked up two steps, and sat down in the throne. Kurt sort of expected his jeans and white sport coat to turn into a robe, the neatly trimmed beard to morph into something more flowing, but nothing about him changed. He just sat there. "Michael," he said, "you have shown great pride and arrogance in the way you have governed my Heaven in my absence. Redeem yourself. Kill this arrogant mortal."

Michael rose to standing, a slow menacing rise, displaying an angry smile on his face. "Gladly," he said, raising his sword and stalking forward.

Kurt raised his sword, his mind racing for something he could do to turn this around.

"No," Alain shouted, running down from the throne's platform and getting between Kurt and Michael. "You can't kill him! He wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for me! Give me the sword, Kurt!"

Deuce stood up from his throne. "Alain, you have nothing to prove. Step out of the way."

Alain turned to face Michael. "No! I got Kurt into this!" He reached back toward Kurt. "Give me the sword!"

Alain disappeared from his place and appeared back on the throne platform with Deuce, a straightjacket around his torso, his feet shackled. Kurt looked up at him sadly. "No."

Kurt circled as Michael approached, sword raised. "Let me get this straight," Kurt shouted up to the man he assumed to be God. "I win and Alain's saved? He spends eternity with Marie?"

"Not quite," Deuce said, "you'll still have to deal with me."

Kurt kept circling, keeping his distance from Michael. "But I gotta get through him first?"

Deuce nodded.

"Fair enough," Kurt said, taking a defensive stance. Michael came in, his sword raised for a powerful blow, and stopped. The flame from his sword ran down the blade, down the hilt, and engulfed his hands. Michael dropped the sword, but the flame continued to advance, creeping up his arms, licking at his elbows. He didn't scream. He didn't panic. Michael lowered his arms, lowered his head, clasped his hands, and the flames gradually died. A smile crossed his face and he raised his head just in time for Kurt's flaming sword to take it off cleanly at the neck. Michael's body crumpled to the ground.

Kurt closed his eyes briefly and his flaming sword disappeared. "I guess I've got to deal with you," he said, turning to the throne.

Deuce walked toward him. A quick wave of his hand and Michael's body disappeared. "I guess you do. Alain, please tend to our visitors. I've got some business to handle."

Alain found himself free of the restraints Kurt had put him in as Deuce and Kurt disappeared. Feeling a rush of air at his back, he turned just in time to catch Marie as she leapt into his arms.

---

The universe shifted and Kurt found himself in Nowhere again. He tried to figure out how he was going to fight God mano-a-mano when he was distracted by someone whistling off to his left. He turned his head and saw Jack sitting at a table with three seats in front of an empty cafe. Jack waved them over and Deuce walked toward the table. "You coming," he asked. Kurt followed, a bit confused.

"I thought I had to fight you," Kurt called after him.

Deuce stopped and turned back to Kurt. "No, I said you had to deal with me. But really, who doesn't?" Deuce turned and walked over to the table, taking a seat next to Jack.

Kurt's confusion deepened. "You mean I'm not in trouble?"

"No, son," Deuce laughed. "You were perfect. If you'd lost, the universe would have been destroyed, but I knew you had it in you. Now come sit."

Kurt walked slowly over to the table and sat in the remaining seat. His head hurt. One of his ears rang. "But I killed your favorite angel."

"It takes more to kill an archangel than a simple beheading," Deuce said, his tone casual. "He's just on an angel time-out. Anyway, I needed to see that you had it in you to win that fight. Beers all around?" Jack nodded and tall frosty mugs appeared in front of them. Deuce and Jack took swigs from theirs, but Kurt just sat there and stared at them.

"He seems a bit shell-shocked," Jack said before taking another pull from his mug.

"I seem to recall someone running around here naked for three days when he found out why he was here."

"Hold on a second," Kurt said, waving his hands. "The universe would have been destroyed?!"

"Okay," Deuce said, "here's the summary in a hundred words or less: This universe is part of a multiverse. In our universe, once per century, sometimes twice, the multiverse creates a special soul. At body-death, that soul comes to Nowhere and learns how to create and run a universe. Then it gets a job like mine with its own universe to run. If a universe doesn't spawn a new one on schedule, the multiverse assumes it to be defective and recycles it. If Satan won your soul, you wouldn't have come here, and eventually... poof."

"So if Michael had killed me, I would have lost the bet and... 'poof?'"

Deuce took another sip of his beer, the delay making Kurt clench his fists. "More or less."

Kurt put his head in his hands and rubbed it vigorously, as if he was trying to shake something loose. "How can you be so calm about this? Satan almost destroyed the universe! You gambled the fate of mankind on me! Me! I wouldn't bet five bucks on me!"

A TV appeared on the table, playing highlights from Kurt's meeting with Mammon in the dungeons of Pandaemonium. "Mammon told you that you were free to go. You'd even tilted your balance to Heaven. You gambled the fate of mankind... and Thuriskind, and Vilkind, and Ekekekind, and about 6,000 other sentient species that currently inhabit the universe. I just didn't do anything to stop you."

"But they would have killed Alain and George," Kurt protested.

Deuce leaned over at put a reassuring hand on Kurt's shoulder. "I know. Now take a sip of your beer. You'll feel better."

"But why did you let me do it? Why did you let me bet your whole universe?"

"Evil exists to test Good."

Kurt frowned.

"No, seriously," Deuce protested. "Every soul is tested, everywhere. The greater the soul's fate, the greater the test. That's one of the rules you'll learn when it's your time to be here. Holiness is merely raw talent. It's character that molds it into a skill."

Kurt could feel his face flushing with anger. All the indignation he'd felt since beginning this journey bubbled up in a single sentence. "And if you fail the test, you go to Hell," he said accusatively.

Deuce smiled. "I love your compassion, your sense of fairness. Look, you saw The Matrix, right? Of course you did. You saw it 6 times all the way through and you've watched blocks of it on cable to kill time. What did Agent Smith say happened when the machines tried to give people a virtual paradise?"

Kurt thought for a moment. "They rejected it," he said, a glimmer of understanding dawning.

"You saw the planes of eternity when you beat the nothingness, but you don't remember them." Deuce pointed at Kurt. "Let me help you."

Images flooded into Kurt's mind... Hell, Purgatory, Heaven, then Nirvana, Valhalla, thousands and thousands of paradises, thousands and thousands of wastelands, and oceans, and jungles. There were giant waiting rooms and transfer stations, trains and buses and big cloudy bubbles traveling along routes that never ended. And not all the souls were human. Some were like Roswell aliens, some were like jellyfish, and some were like large six-legged cats. The landscapes stretched on seemingly forever with a greater variety of lifeforms than Kurt had ever imagined existed.

"Souls go where they expect to go, Kurt," Deuce said. "I just need the one or two per century and the rest I mostly try to keep content. There are a few truly bad eggs I unmake, like child molesters and suicide bombers. The rest... I don't like to see them suffer, but if that's what they truly feel they deserve, they'll just trash and try to destroy anything better. The greatest cause of suffering in life or after it is believing that you somehow deserve to suffer."

Kurt thought a moment. "What about reincarnation?"

Deuce smiled and patted Kurt's hand. "In due time, son. We've got people waiting for us to get back. You want to come along Jack?"

"Wait," Kurt asked, "doesn't he have to be here?"

"Jack moved on years ago, but his universe is mainly hot plasma now. It needs about a billion years to cool before he'll be able to do anything with it. So I asked him to hang out for a few days. Didn't want you to find the place empty." Deuce stood up from his chair. "Shall we go?"

---

While Kurt and Deuce were in Nowhere, a host of angels busied themselves in the throne room, setting up a banquet table and escorting in additional guests. Marie's thing in life had been playing hostess, and it took over. She wanted to hold onto Alain for another few centuries, but it would be rude to ignore the guests.

George and Alain took seats at the table, George giving Alain a quick summary of what had happened in his absence while busy angels bustled about and Marie got everyone seated. When all was said and done, the guest list included Nybras and Duke, George, Alain, Marie, Junior, Elvis, Eleanor, Barbara, Leonardo, Mick, and Arthur. That left three seats at the table. Marie reserved the head of the table for Deuce, seated Kurt at his right hand, and made space for the last person at the foot of the table.

A rush of air announced the arrival of Deuce, Kurt, and Jack. Everyone rose from the table and exchanged greetings with them. Jack and Alain hugged, then stepped back and looked at each other. "I always thought it wasn't fair," Jack said. "You never grew old and got fat." The two of them laughed and hugged again.

As everyone sat, Deuce raised his glass. "A toast," he said, "to the salvation of our dear friend Alain. And as a gesture of apology for the injustices he has suffered, I grant him the one thing he could never have... a child. Marie, Alain, Junior is yours to raise as your son. He will grow to adulthood and be a great joy to you."

Deuce leaned to Kurt as Marie hugged Alain and then Junior, and in a low voice he said "now you officially win your bet. Hell has no more claim on you."

Deuce sat up and raised his glass again. "Salud."

Over the course of the meal, everyone was given a gift.

Barbara got a home theater system and a complete DVD set of "Charmed" so she could see the episodes she missed.

Eleanor was tasked with heading up a council of the performing arts for Heaven and getting it back to the joyous singing and celebrating that had existed before Michael imposed his sense of order on it.

Elvis was asked to give the first concert in Heaven in 400 years.

Arthur was given a holy quest to scour the first ring of Hell and find those souls ready to accept paradise.

Leonardo got a lab where he could tinker.

Nybras got his old job back.

Duke got a promotion to full-fledged angel.

Jack got Deuce's beer recipe.

George was given salvation and a house down the street from Marie and Alain.

And Mick, once he found out that Jack was going to spend the next billion years exploring other universes, asked if he could tag along. Jack agreed.

When the meal was over and the guests had slowly drifted away home, a core of Kurt, George, Alain, Marie, Junior, and Deuce remained.

"So," Deuce said, sitting back in his chair and looking at Kurt. "What lovely parting gift do I give you?"

"Another answer?"

"Shoot."

Kurt leaned forward, clasping his hands in front of himself on the table. "What do I do next?"

Deuce chuckled. "Live. Fall in love, maybe a few times. Figure out how to become who you wanted to be when you grew up. Taste every food, smell every flower. The purpose of Nowhere is to teach you how to be a god. The purpose of life is to teach you how to be alive. Most of all, exercise your imagination. You can learn the rest, but there's no substitute for a good imagination."

Deuce got up from the table, and that was everyone's signal to say their goodbyes. Kurt hugged Marie and Alain goodbye. When it came Junior's turn, he wrapped his arms around the boy. "I think I'm gonna miss you most of all, Scarecrow," he said half-jokingly, half to try to keep himself from tearing up.

"Thank you," Junior whispered in his ear.

As Junior stepped back, Kurt looked up at George. "You watch out for our Lost Boy brother, George. Make sure those two take good care of him."

George shook Kurt's hand as Kurt stood up. "You got it, buddy. And you come back whenever you want to check up on him."

Kurt looked over at Deuce, but Deuce shook his head in the negative. Kurt understood. Heaven wasn't for the living, even if they would someday rule a Heaven of their own. Maybe he'd get to stop by while his universe was cooling, but he knew this was the last time he'd see any of these people during his mortal life, and Deuce had assured him he was going to live to a ripe old age.

As Alain and his family walked out of the throne room, Kurt turned to Deuce. "Gonna send me home now?"

"Ah, but you had the power to go home all along, Dorothy," Deuce said, smiling. Kurt put out his hand for a final handshake, but Deuce pulled him into a hug and kissed him on the forehead. "Take care of yourself, son. That's a commandment. I'll be checking up on you."

Deuce released Kurt. Kurt stepped back, envisioned himself in his bedroom, put a little love in it, said "Amen," and the universe shifted around him.