Times are tough in casa Bulmash. I'm not going to go into detail. This isn't an "oh, poor me" post. But I've got plenty to gripe and worry about (as do a lot of people), some of it fairly serious.
That said, this afternoon while the wife and the baby were taking a nap, the boy and I were in my home office. He sat on my lap while we enjoyed a "Sesame Street" podcast (their "Word on the Street" video podcasts on iTunes are great... and free), part of a free episode of "Word World", and some music (Kermit the Frog singing "The Rainbow Connection").
With my four-year-old son on my lap, the two of us just hanging out, I realized how hard it was to feel anxious and upset at that moment. With everything I'm facing, it's easy to get buried in the worry, the anxiety, the feelings of desperation and anger, and there are times when I feel almost overwhelmed by them. But in that moment, the phrase "count your blessings" took on an amazing significance to me that it hasn't before. Because, in that moment, I felt blessed. It felt odd, because I've been feeling a bit forsaken lately. I'd been feeling like God gave me some chances, I blew them, and He moved on.
But I sat there, in that little bubble of contentment, that little moment of just a peaceful and easy happiness, and the whistling winds of worry stopped blowing for a few minutes. I knew they were on the horizon, but for a few minutes, I didn't care. For a few minutes, I was just able to enjoy being a dad to an incredible little guy who I've probably had less patience with than I should lately, but who still loves me and looks up to me despite my flaws and failures. And that was a blessing.
I guess, at a time when I've been feeling like blessings are few and far between, that moment of happiness and contentment really hit home the fact that there are still blessings to be found in my life. Whenever I'm feeling frustrated, whenever hoplessness is trying to sit on my shoulders like a fat man eating a candy apple (don't know why, but that's the image that enters my mind when I think of a great weight on my shoulders), I'm going to pull out this memory.
I guess my point is that most of us have blessings in our lives that we take for granted. It might be a friend who you can always rely on for a joke. It might be a child who is always happy to see you and greets you with a smile and a hug. It might be a pet who you can always depend on to cuddle with you when you need it. It might even just be having a hang-out spot where they'll greet you by name and make you feel welcome. There are these people and places in our lives that make us feel good, but when we're feeling overwhelmed, it's easy to gloss over them and forget they exist. And that was my insight on "count your blessings" this afternoon, a reminder that I had this little blessing sitting in my lap, and that he was just one of the many blessings I could still find in my life if I just opened my eyes and noticed them.
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For me, it's that friend i can count on to always tell me what i 'NEED' to hear, not what i want to hear.
and a moment's peace on a warm summers night, whilst the stars are in full view.
and getting to talk to the person i love most, for even just a couple hours a day, before i have to sleep, and he has to work. those few blissful hours make my whole day worthwhile.
Thank you.
This is why our species hasn't died out: these peaceful feelings that come from a little quality time with our favorite peoples.
No matter bad you think you have it, there is always someone who has it worse than you.
Especially if you like in a 'developed' nation like the US or one of the Western European countries. There is a safety net, so if you are unemployed, your kids won't starve to death. And when you look at the absolute poverty some folks endure in some parts of the globe, where people (and their kids) die from lack of good nutrition and basic medical care...
Yeah, I may be a bit poor, but at least I have somewhere to live, and food on the table. Might not be lobster, but at least I'm not starving.
Hey, I ran across some of your stuff a couple years back on the web. Loved it, but it was an archive - you weren't continuing to update. Being swamped with my own hard times, just moved on. (sorry, don't remember the name of it - just your last name stuck with me.)
Today, I found your site (through a link from Jumbo Jokes - go Randy!)
So, just looking around and found this. I loved it. I hope things are better for you now, but since your latest post is about job-hunting, I'm assuming it's still rough. But I'm living proof that people can get through the tough times - and you are so right - it's the love of family and God that gets us through. I spent hours rocking my babies not because they needed it but because I did.
Anyway, just wanted to give you some positive feedback. Hang in there - I love your work! (Unfortunately, I don't run a publishing company!)