Hot Surface Warning SignIt was very hot in Western Washington this past weekend. Well, it got up to about 89 degrees on Saturday, which is hot by our standards, especially when you consider that central air conditioning is a rarity around here. They have it at the mall, some stores and restaurants, but not in most homes.

We got a portable air conditioner a while back, and when it gets this hot, we trundle it out to cool down our bedroom. Because my wife wasn't feeling well, I experimented with putting it up on a table and blowing it out over the bed, so she could lay down and cool off. We have a fairly tall bed (top of the mattress is at the bottom of my ribcage and I'm 6' tall), so when it was on top of the table, the cold air vent was just a little higher than the top of the mattress.

It worked within reason and seemed to be more effective on cooling the room overall than when it's on the floor, but the vent wouldn't blow straight out. It blew slightly upward. And due to logistical issues, the AC unit couldn't be right at the foot of the bed. Thus the cold air was blown upward above the bed, not providing much more direct relief from the heat than how it cooled the room.

At bed time, we were both hot, and though the AC's thermostat read that the room was at 75, I was still sweating when I laid on the bed. I came up with the idea of attaching a spare bedsheet over the AC unit and extending that to the bed. The cold air would be trapped by the sheet and blow out from under it, getting cool air directly onto the bed where it was most needed.

The Wind Tunnel of Love - Technical Drawing

It worked beautifully. We could put our feet under the sheet and cool them down, which helps cool the body, and then the cool air flowed up up our bodies. After a minute or two of cold air washing over her, my wife turned to me and asked if she'd recently told me how much she loved me. I was too busy chilling my man parts to reply. If you're a man who hasn't known the joy of a sustained blast of cool air washing over your man parts on a hot day, let me highly recommend it. Cool man parts are happy man parts.

I believe my wife felt the same way about her newly cooled lady parts, which is why she was reminded of how much she loves me. Ahhhh, cool man parts and the love of a good woman. Is there anything better?

Of course, this state could not be sustained. With cold air, "too much of a good thing" is a very real concept. But in that brief period of joy, brought to us by my improvised Wind Tunnel of Love, we could forget it was "bite someone's head off" hot outside and just enjoy life for a moment.

2 Responses to “The Wind Tunnel of Love”
  1. Hazel says:

    I just want a heater in my bedroom -- but it's the middle of August in the Northern hemisphere and it is SUPPOSED to be summer. I think that somehow the UK has been mised off the schedule this year.

  2. You have a clever way with words. And I would love you too if you got me cooled off in that heat.
    And they lived happily ever after...

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