(This is the January 1, 1997 issue of "The WASHED-UPdate", originally run at The Internet Movie Database and Bulmash.com - It has not been updated, but friends and old fans have asked me to put the archives back online for entertainment value for years, so I thought I'd do it here at my blog. Please note that many links may be dead or in need of repair... they're 10 years old or older.)
Archived Issue from: January 1, 1997
Hey... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! And now that's out of the way...
"M*A*S*H," having been one of the longest-running and most popular sitcoms on TV, has so many people to cover. If I left someone out or skimmed over someone, I wouldn't hear the end of it. But at the same time, the first ever WASHED-UPdate(tm) was one paragraph and now they're huge. I am trying to keep these columns under 3,000 words. So, to to make y'all hapy, I'm covering 12 people from the series and splitting this into a three-parter. The three parts will be...
Week 1: Hawkeye, BJ, Trapper John, and Hot Lips
Week 2: Frank Burns, Charles Winchester, Radar, Father Mulcahy
Week 3: Sherman Potter, Max Klinger, Soon-Lee Klinger
This way I can give enough major characters enough attention to satisfy most readers while keeping the weekly columns shorter than a university level term paper.
Who's the missing person in week three? It's up to you. Since McLean Stevenson died in February of '96 and I don't like to speak ill of the dead, I've left a spot open for a reader's choice. Drop your suggestion to [this address no longer exists].
Now, let's look at our fun and requested links for the week...
FUN: What happened to Karolyn Grimes, better known as Zuzu (remember Zuzu's petals) in "It's a Wonderful Life"? She's put out an IAWL cookbook. Recently Bob Andelman, better known as Mr. Media, caught up with her and interviewed her for his weekly column. Every week you can rely on Mr. Media to give you an interesting interview, fun news bits, and some cool site reviews. You can hit his site at www.mrmedia.com.
REQUESTED: Did you know that when they were trying to film the feeding of a maggot to a crow in "The Shawshank Redemption" that the ASPCA protested that it was cruel to the maggot? They actually had to find a maggot that had died of natural causes before they could film the scene. You'll find odd bits of info like this in IMDb's Trivia Browser which lets you look up facts on many of your favorite films. And if you know some trivia that's not in there, you can add it.
And now to week 1 of our three-part M*A*S*H tribute...
I was torn when I began writing this as to which of our four stars I should profile first: the most active, the most inactive, the most socially conscious, or the most ridiculous. But after six months of writing this column, I think I know my readers, so let's go with the most ridiculous.
That title this week would have to go to Loretta "Hot Lips Houlihan" Swit. Besides being definitely less sexy than the "real" Hot Lips (Sally Kellerman - from the movie), she also seems to be the most paranoid. Among her many projects, she has been touring on and off with a one-woman stage show called "Shirley Valentine," based on the character of the same name from the movie of the same name. In 1995, when performing it in Fullerton, California (better known to many Southern Californians as "somewhere in Orange County; isn't it near Disneyland?"), the Los Angeles Times requested an interview.
The reporter involved was told that Loretta had been feeling "abused by the press" and was sent a release to sign before being allowed to schedule the interview. In the release, he had to agree not to ask any questions on certain topics. The extensive list of topics included, among other things: M*A*S*H, her height, weight, hair color, measurements, her home life, and her love life (past, present, or future). As well, he had to promise not to refer to her as "Hot Lips" in the article, and had to keep the interview to 15-20 minutes since she was very tired from performing (as the release said) "five to eight nights a week." He didn't sign it and didn't get the interview.
Apparently that did not sit well with the Los Angeles Times. In a more recent article, they profiled a store by the name of Star Wares, where you can buy wardrobe and costume items purportedly worn by celebs in TV and movie appearances. Among the stats they listed were the number of Loretta Swit's undergarments on the rack. By the way, the number was four and the average price was $5.
And what about her other live performances? You remember last week, with Gary Sandy starring in the "Will Rogers Follies" at the Westbury Music Fair in April of '96? Well, the show that ran for the week prior was a revival of "Mame" with Loretta. She was then supposed to go on a national tour with the show, but July found her in the show "Song of Singapore," in which she'd appeared in February, and according to reports has a Hindu character in it that caused at least one man in Pittsburgh to become offended and file a protest. In August, she was at "Shirley Valentine" again, doing two shows in Hawaii. Then it was off to Prague in September for a book signing to help promote a Czech-language book about "M*A*S*H" which is very popular there. And, like Eddie Mekka, she's listed as one of the noted luminaries who have graced the stage at the Mayfield Inn dinner theater in Edmonton, Alberta.
In terms of screen appearances in the 90's, you might have caught her in a couple of infomercials, such as the one for "Lasting Kiss Lipstick" which was produced by Tony Hoffman. If the producer's name rings a bell, it is because he also produced the infamous O.J. Simpson interview video... the one for which O.J. was reportedly paid $3 million up front. You might have caught her in the TV movies "Hell Hath No Fury" and "A Killer Among Friends" (in '91 and '92 respectively), in a guest role as a voice on "Batman, The Animated Series" in 92, or in a guest shot on "Burke's Law" in 1995. Her role as host of "Those Amazing Animals" continues in re-runs on cable and it seems to have helped her secure gigs in "Animals Are The Funniest People," a special co-hosted by Dick Clark and the ever-successful Byron Allen, a number of videos for the National Audubon Society, and a series of commercials for 1-800-VET-EXAM. One thing I couldn't get a date on (the problem with research at this time of year is that everyone is on vacation) was the movie "A Matter of Principle," produced by WCVB in Massachusetts, but I believe it was in the 90's. And one thing that was in the early 80's, but is worth noting, she was the original Cagney in the original "Cagney and Lacey" TV movie, but was replaced with Meg Foster when the series started, and then Sharon Gless came in a few episodes later to take over the role for good.
Where will she pop-up next? Look for small theaters in the outlying areas of your city. She'll probably hit there with one of her stage things if she hasn't already. But don't expect many interviews in the local paper.
And now the tie-in... to Mike "B.J. Hunnicut" Farrell. Like Loretta, he too has done voice work for a Warner Brothers animated series. In fact, he and his wife, Shelley Fabares (of the ABC series, "Coach"), play the roles of Ma and Pa Kent in the new "Superman" animated series.
Other TV and film roles have included "The Killers Within" in 1995, a "Hart to Hart" reunion movie in '94, "Silent Motive" and "The Whereabouts of Jenny" in 1991, and "The Price of The Bride" in 1990. He has also been in a number of documentary videos including "Cholesterol: The Killer Within," which most recently aired on public television in Kentucky during September '96, and "Children At Risk: Ritual Abuse In America," which was about actual case histories of children abused by their parents during Satanic cult rituals and is available through catalogs.
It was his research into ritual abuse that got him involved with the Cult Awareness Network (which was recently purchased out of bankruptcy and re-opened with an altered agenda by a member of the Church of Scientology, the organization that was instrumental in forcing it into bankruptcy in the first place). According to some anti-Scientology FAQ's on the web, Mike's involvement led to him being a victim of a long-running pattern of harrassment by members of the Church of Scientology, which has led to Mike saying "Hubbard was crazy" when he answers any phone calls coming into his home after midnight.
But Mike's association with the Cult Awareness Network was minor compared to his huge commitment to a number of causes, most often speaking out on capital punishment and human rights abuses in the United States. In late 1995 he was noted as part of Johnnie Cochran's committee to free Geronimo Pratt. In January of 1996, he held a three-hour Virtual Vigil on AOL to protest the execution of John Albert Taylor in Utah. He then showed up outside the gates of San Quentin in February as part of the crowd protesting the execution of confessed serial killer William Bonin. And throughout the year he has been referred to in many articles regarding the growing campaign to get a new trial for Mumia-Abu-Jamal, an African-American journalist who has been sentenced to death for the killing of a police officer, but whom supporters say was framed and whom Amnesty International has called a political prisoner. In fact, Mike is the co-chair of the Western Regional branch of Human Rights Watch and has received recognition for his various efforts in the form of awards from the Writer's Guild of America and the Hollywood Women's Political Committee.
Let us now move on to a lighter subject. Did you know that in 1995, Alan "B.F. 'Hawkeye' Pierce" Alda told a group of schoolchildren that he purposefully flunked a pre-med course in college to avoid becoming a doctor?
Did you also know that Alan Alda can sing? He did it on Broadway as a young actor and the critics can't seem to stop talking about him doing it fairly well in the new movie, "Everyone Says I Love You," which is Alan's third major role in a Woody Allen film. The film which was released in Los Angeles and New York for one week in December (so it could qualify for the Academy Awards) will open in national release in late January. In the various reviews I read, the critics were split. Some loved it (mainly those in New York who seem to think Woody Allen is God) and others hated it (like Entertainment Weekly's Owen Glieberman). The only real agreement among the majority of critics was that after this movie Julia Roberts should never be allowed to sing again.
But Alan must be getting used to being in movies that only some critics like, such as "Flirting With Disaster," and also films that just about everyone seems to dislike, such as "Canadian Bacon." Yet he did receive critical kudos for his role in the 1996 TV adaptation of the Neil Simon play, "Jake's Women," in which Alda also starred on Broadway and in Los Angeles. In fact, Simon refused to adapt the play for TV until he was assured that Alan Alda would star in the TV version.
TV continues to pursue Alan. Also in '96, Hollywood was all abuzz about Steven Bochco wooing Alan to replace the outgoing Daniel Benzali on "Murder One." An agreement could not be reached and Bochco finally settled on Anthony LaPaglia, an actor who first came to my attention with his role as Stevie D. in 1990's "Betsy's Wedding," a movie which happened to be written by, directed by, and co-starred Alan Alda. But here's one more interesting connection. Alan will also have a part in the upcoming Wesley Snipes film, "Murder at 1600," in which Daniel Benzali plays the role of... a lawyer.
Alda has really become the archetype for the sensitive male. In various articles and interviews I saw everything from Frank, a gentle giant at the Lincoln Park Zoo in Chicago, being called "the Alan Alda of the gorilla world" to musician Doug Stone being called "the Alan Alda of country music." But since everyone else was busy being Alan Alda, he decided to take on some decidedly uncharacteristic roles in the 90's. He was nominated for an Emmy for his unflattering portrayal of Robert Gallo in 1993's "And The Band Played On," and many men who have believed that he and Phil Donahue ruined their lives probably took vicarious pleasure from watching his maniacal character in 1992's "Whispers In The Dark" get whacked in the head with a crowbar.
If you're looking for Alan, you can catch him on TV during the same week in January that "Everyone Says I Love You" gets released. He'll be appearing in his fourth season as the host of "Scientific American Frontiers" in an episode entitled "Pieces of Mind" which will air on PBS January 22nd (check your local listings for air times). And if you need a dose of him RIGHT NOW, you can always jump over to the KCRW web site to listen in Real Audio to his performance in the National Public Radio series "Jewish Short Stories From Eastern Europe & Beyond." Of course, you should have a good 28.8 kbps connection if you want to do this. Even with a recent release of the Real Audio Player, the 14.4 kbps stream (because I can rarely connect to my ISP at better than 21.6) sounded to me like I was sitting in my car, parked under a bridge, listening to an AM radio with a broken antenna.
And as we move on to our last and relatively least active star of this issue, we'll tie him to Alda with a host role. Wayne "Trapper John" Rogers can be found lately co-hosting the "Hollywood Report" on cable's American Movie Classics channel. Picking up the gig as a monthly thing in 1995, this season AMC has decided to go weekly with it. And if you want to run out to the multiplex to see him, he can be found in the new film "Ghosts of Mississippi."
Thank goodness he has current employment too, because he'd never make it as a professional golfer. He has been said to have a 25 handicap, and this jives perfectly with his participation in the Trashmasters Invitational Golf Tournament, held in Aspen, Colorado, in August of this year. The Trashmasters, unlike many other tournaments, rewards players for bad play, or more-to-the-point "making the best of a bad situation." During the tournament, players deliberately tried to land in sand traps, water hazards, and even bounce shots off of trees.
He also didn't make it as a restaurant owner... to an extent. Though it was open for over 8 years, in 1994 Wayne closed the Hollywood location of his Columbia Bar & Grill. And while the report of its closing at that time did make sure to mention that the Pasadena location was remaining open, a recent call to directory assistance for its phone number resulted in my being told that there was no listing.
On the other hand, he has made it as a "Murder, She Wrote" guest star. Breaking the previous WASHED-UPdate record of four appearances, held by Larry Wilcox (better known as Officer Jon Baker from "CHiPs"), Wayne appeared on MSW five times between 1993 and 1995. I'll leave the final judgement of which is worse up to you, noting that Larry played four different characters in his four appearances while Wayne played the same one, Charlie Garrett, in all of his five. To his credit, though, his appearance on HBO's "The Larry Sanders Show" in 1994 does sort of make up for some of it.
Beyond that, there's not much else in the 90's but a couple of movies: "The Goodbye Bird" in '93 and "Miracle Landing" in '90. So I guess I ought to get to the Autograph Price Popularity Scale. Wayne didn't hit, and neither did Loretta Swit (I guess she only signs autographs in Czechoslovakia), yet at Autographics, Mike Farrell came in with a signed 3x5 card at $6 (40% below He By Whom All Others Are Measured - Joe Piscopo), but you can also buy a signed 3x5 plus a color photo for $11. And our winner this week, setting a new actor record (though since he's not really a has-been, it sort of doesn't count) is Alan Alda, whose mounted and signed color photo at Signit! is going for 15 times the cost of a piece of Loretta Swit's underwear, coming in at a whopping $75.
COMING NEXT WEEK: Winchester, Radar, Frank Burns, and Father Mulcahy as we continue to Mosh With M*A*S*H! - And until then, here's a choice M*A*S*H link to hold you over.
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